Punks across the country have been met with mild shock, as anarchist brewers have finally sold out to “the man” after years of simply jerking him off. As a result of this, their own bars are refusing to sell their beer, scrubbing the BrewDog name from tap fonts, dog collars and staff uniforms alike.
BrewDog has stated that their new overlords TSG Consumer Partners own only innocent brands such as pop-chips, vitamin water and probably pogs or some shit. The companies other brands, which Brewdog fans have been advised not to think too much about, include Pabst Brewing Co and Sweetwater Brewery. Fans around the country are showing their support for Brewdog by tying small blue ribbons to bottles of punk IPA in solidarity.
This isn’t the first time that BrewDogs reputation as superpunks has been endangered, having brewed beers exclusively for Wetherspoons and experienced success on the shelves of the very retailers they revolt against. The company is planning their biggest PR piece ever to mitigate the damage, replacing all the tap water in Cambodia with Dead Pony Club for a week.
A spokesman from BrewDog was quoted as stating their relationship with Pabst was “purely ironic”.